Twas the Night Before Christmas (and Santa Needed a Poo) PDF Download

Author: Paul Wennersberg-Løvholen
Publisher:
ISBN: 9788293748137
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 28

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Book Description
Ho Ho Ho! Its Christmas Eve and Father Christmas and his reindeer are in full swing, delivering presents to all the good boys and girls, when suddenly disaster strikes as Santa gets a surprise of his own! Will Christmas be ruined this year, or will it be a clean getaway for Santa? Find out in this hilarious and sweet reimagining of Clement C. Moore's classic poem, that is sure to delight both children and their parents alike! This is a beautifully illustrated and unique take on the classic poem that is sure to put a smile on everyones face this Christmas! A word from the author: "I absolutely loved Clement C. Moore's poem as a child, but when I grew up and tried to read it to my own children, they did not share my enthusiasm. The book is truly a classic but also a little outdated, but one of my children's biggest gripes was the absence of Rudolph. Poor Clement...he wasn't to know. I felt sad that they couldn't share in my enjoyment of the original, especially as it is is the only story to name all the rendeer (well minus one), so I vowed to try and rewrite this story whilst breathing new life into it. Now tackling what it without a doubt the most famous poem in the English language was not a task that I undertook lightly, but it has been given the seal of approval from my little ones, and I truly belief I have created something original, sweet and funny, whilst maintaining the essence of the original. This year, more than most, we need a little festive cheer. So with that in mind, I hope you enjoy the book, and wish you all a Merry Christmas!"

Author: Garrison Keillor
Publisher: Blackstone Publishing
ISBN:
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages :

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Book Description
Over 2,200 Jokes from America’s favorite live radio show A treasury of hilarity from Garrison Keillor and the cast of public radio’s A Prairie Home Companion. A guy walks into a bar. Eight Canada Geese walk into a bar. A termite jumps up on the bar and asks, “Where is the bar tender?” Drum roll. The Sixth Edition of the perennially popular Pretty Good Joke Book is everything the first five were and more. More puns, one-liners, light bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, and third-grader jokes (have you heard the one about Elvis Parsley?). More religion jokes, political jokes, lawyer jokes, blonde jokes, and jokes in questionable taste (Why did the urologist lose his license? He got in trouble with his peers). More jokes about chickens, relationships, and senior moments (the nice thing about Alzheimer’s is you can enjoy the same jokes again and again). It all started back in 1996, when A Prairie Home Companion fans laughed themselves silly during the first Joke Show. The broadcast was such a hit that it became an almost-annual gagfest. Then fans wanted to read the jokes, share them, and pass them around, and the first Pretty Good Joke Book was born. With over 200 new and updated jokes, the latest edition promises countless giggles, chortles, and guffaws anyone—fans of the radio show or not—will enjoy.

Author: Ken Harmon
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101623454
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 170

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Book Description
A satire of traditional Christmas stories and noir. A hardboiled elf is framed for murder in a North Pole world that plays reindeer games for keeps, and where favorite holiday characters live complex lives beyond December. Fired from his longtime job as captain of the Coal Patrol, two-foot-three inch 1,300-year-old elf Gumdrop Coal is angry. He's one of Santa's original elves, inspired by the fat man's vision to bring joy to children on that one special day each year. But somewhere along the way things went sour for Gumdrop. Maybe it was delivering one too many lumps of coal for the Naughty List. Maybe it's the conspiracy against Christmas that he's starting to sense down every chimney. Either way, North Pole disillusionment is nothing new: Some elves brood with a bottle of nog, trying to forget their own wish list. Some get better. Some get bitter. Gumdrop Coal wants revenge. Justice is the only thing he knows, and so he decides to give a serious wakeup call to parents who can't keep their vile offspring from landing on the Naughty List. But when one parent winds up dead, his eye shot out with a Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model BB gun, Gumdrop Coal must learn who framed him and why. Along the way he'll escape the life-sucking plants of the Mistletoe Forrest, battle the infamous Tannenbomb Giant, and survive a close encounter with twelve very angry drummers and their violent friends. The horrible truth lurking behind the gingerbread doors of Kringle Town could spell the end of Christmas-and of the fat man himself. Holly Jolly!

Author: Dave Praeger
Publisher: Feral House
ISBN: 1932595627
Category : Education
Languages : en
Pages : 231

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Book Description
Is “The Origin of Feces” a Darwinian concern? Perhaps not, but it is the title to the preface of this tongue-in-cheek and unexpectedly revealing exploration of human behavior by the webmaster behind the popular PoopReport.com. This book is not a history of poop, but a study of today. Its goal is to understand how poop affects us, how we view it, and why; to appreciate its impact from the moment it slides out of our anal sphincters to the moment it enters the sewage treatment plant; to explore how we’ve arrived at this strange discomfort and confusion about a natural product of our bodies; to see how this contradiction—the natural as unnatural—shapes our minds, relationships, environment, culture, economics, media, and art. Paul Provenza, the director of The Aristocrats, says in his foreword: “It’s shocking to think that a book about poop can be considered an act of courage. But it is. Most of us have knee-jerk responses to the topic that we are not even aware of. Attitudes that, like the awful stench of poop itself, permeate all of society and culture. This book has some very profound and beautiful things to say. It takes a dirty, smelly, unpleasant subject like shit and brings forth ideas that are empowering, dignifying and life affirming.”

Author: Alison Green
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0399181822
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 306

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Book Description
From the creator of the popular website Ask a Manager and New York’s work-advice columnist comes a witty, practical guide to 200 difficult professional conversations—featuring all-new advice! There’s a reason Alison Green has been called “the Dear Abby of the work world.” Ten years as a workplace-advice columnist have taught her that people avoid awkward conversations in the office because they simply don’t know what to say. Thankfully, Green does—and in this incredibly helpful book, she tackles the tough discussions you may need to have during your career. You’ll learn what to say when • coworkers push their work on you—then take credit for it • you accidentally trash-talk someone in an email then hit “reply all” • you’re being micromanaged—or not being managed at all • you catch a colleague in a lie • your boss seems unhappy with your work • your cubemate’s loud speakerphone is making you homicidal • you got drunk at the holiday party Praise for Ask a Manager “A must-read for anyone who works . . . [Alison Green’s] advice boils down to the idea that you should be professional (even when others are not) and that communicating in a straightforward manner with candor and kindness will get you far, no matter where you work.”—Booklist (starred review) “The author’s friendly, warm, no-nonsense writing is a pleasure to read, and her advice can be widely applied to relationships in all areas of readers’ lives. Ideal for anyone new to the job market or new to management, or anyone hoping to improve their work experience.”—Library Journal (starred review) “I am a huge fan of Alison Green’s Ask a Manager column. This book is even better. It teaches us how to deal with many of the most vexing big and little problems in our workplaces—and to do so with grace, confidence, and a sense of humor.”—Robert Sutton, Stanford professor and author of The No Asshole Rule and The Asshole Survival Guide “Ask a Manager is the ultimate playbook for navigating the traditional workforce in a diplomatic but firm way.”—Erin Lowry, author of Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together

Author: Jason Offutt
Publisher: CamCat Publishing, LLC
ISBN: 0744304512
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 361

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Book Description
Beware of what lurks in the corn. Fairies don’t exist. At least that’s what Thomas Cavanaugh’s parents say. But the events of that one night, when he follows a fairy into the cornfield on his parents’ farm, prove them wrong. What seems like a destructive explosion was, Thomas knows, an encounter with Dauðr, a force that threatens to destroy the fairy’s world and his sanity. Years later, after a troubled childhood and a series of dead-end jobs, he is still haunted by what he saw that night. One day he crosses paths with a beautiful young woman and a troubled young man, soon realizing that he first met them as a kid while under psychiatric care after his encounters in the cornfield. Has fate brought them together? Are they meant to join forces to save the fairy’s world and their own? Or is one of them not who they claim to be?

Author: Emily Wight
Publisher: arsenal pulp press
ISBN: 1551525801
Category : Cooking
Languages : en
Pages : 481

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Book Description
A down-to-earth cookbook that proves you don't need a lot of money to create nutritious, beautiful meals at home. In this winsome cookbook, blogger Emily Wight offers fantastic recipes, ideas, and advice on how to prepare imaginative, nutritious, and delectable meals without breaking the bank. Perfect for students, families, and anyone on a budget. Well-Fed, Flat Broke proves that while you may occasionally be flat broke, you can always be well fed. This collection of 120 recipes ranges from the simple (perfect scrambled eggs, rice and lentils) to the sublime (Orecchiette with White Beans and Sausage, Mustard-fried Chicken). Chapters are organized by ingredient so that you can easily build a meal from what you have on hand. Well Fed, Flat Broke has flavours to please every palette including Thai, Dutch, Indonesian, and Latin American-inspired recipes such as Kimchi Pancakes, Salvadoran Roast Chicken, and Pantry Kedgeree, reflecting a diverse array of affordable ingredients and products in grocery stores, markets, and delis. Emily is a working mother and wife who lives with a picky toddler in one of Canada's most expensive cities. She offers readers real-talk about food, strategic shopping tips, sound advice for picky eaters, and suggestions on how to build a well-stocked, yet inexpensive pantry. Cooking every night can be challenging for busy families who are short on time and lean in budget; Emily includes plenty of one-pot dishes to keep everyone healthy, full, and happy. With friendly charm and practical advice, Well Fed, Flat Broke will have you eating like a millionaire without having to spend like one. Emily Wight is a writer and home cook who's been blogging about food for the past six years.

Author: Samantha Berger
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
ISBN: 0545172950
Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
Languages : en
Pages : 27

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Book Description
A pirate-themed, toilet-training 8x8 that is fit for the littleswashbuckler in your life Every pirate needs his captain's chair and this 8x8 with a perfed captain's hat and reward stickers is perfect for the little pirate learning to use the potty for the first time With a helpful, step-by-step story that introduces boys to the concept of toilet training, Pirate Potty is an adventurous lesson that everyone needs to learn.

Author: Margot Wood
Publisher: Abrams
ISBN: 1647000580
Category : Young Adult Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 300

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Book Description
"A hilarious, heartfelt, and realistic coming-of-age story." —Buzzfeed "Hilarious and heartwarming." —Popsugar “A laugh-out-loud and vulnerable coming-of-age story.” —The Nerd Daily [Movie trailer narrator voice]: In a world, where humanity has crumbled—wait, no, wrong story. Sorry! Let’s try that again. [YA movie trailer narrator voice:] Some students enter their freshman year of college knowing exactly what they want to do with their lives. Elliot McHugh isn’t one of those people. But picking a major is the last thing on Elliot’s mind when she’s too busy experiencing all that college has to offer—from dancing all night at off-campus parties to testing her RA Rose’s patience to making new friends to having the best sex one can have on a twin-size dorm-room bed. But she may not be ready for the fallout when reality hits. When the sex she’s having isn’t that great. When finals creep up and smack her right in the face. Or when her roommate’s boyfriend turns out to be the biggest a-hole. Elliot may make epic mistakes, but if she’s honest with herself (and with you, dear reader), she may just find the person she wants to be. And maybe even fall in love in the process . . . Well, maybe. We’re not promising anything. We can’t give everything away ahead of time.

Author: Tom Fletcher
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1481498673
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 34

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Book Description
From Tom Fletcher and Dougie Poynter of McFly comes a supersonic space adventure filled with planets, poop, and pandemonium! One boy, one space rocket, one very hungry dinosaur: the ingredients for an explosive space adventure of epic poop-portions! But when Danny realizes he’s forgotten Dino’s lunch box, the very hungry dinosaur eats everything in sight, including their only way home: the rocket! How will Dino get them back home? Meet Danny and his pet Dinosaur, Dino. No matter what this ravenous reptile ingests, he never keeps it down for long.