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Author: Matthew Gasteier Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0345527658 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 242
Book Description
Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same name Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long. There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end. F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever. ___________________________ "Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."—Jerry the Shark "Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill "It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin "The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin "Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing
Author: Matthew Gasteier Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0345527658 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 242
Book Description
Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same name Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguins that elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fists for too long. There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild, in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute Industrial Complex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters, and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who are beguiled by these fuzzy frauds. But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Those soft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just come to an end. F U, Penguin is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight these power-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you from the tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandas forever. ___________________________ "Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."—Jerry the Shark "Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."—Dennis the Krill "It's all true. We're the worst."—Anonymous Penguin "The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."—Edward the Dolphin "Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"—Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing
Author: Kari Schuetz Publisher: Bellwether Media ISBN: 1612117643 Category : Juvenile Nonfiction Languages : en Pages : 24
Book Description
Inside this book, a huddle of penguin chicks will warm your heart as they warm their bodies. The babies need mom, dad, and one another to survive the frigid temperatures of their Antarctic homes. Delight in reading as you watch baby penguins waddle across the pages.
Author: Gabriel Evans Publisher: ISBN: 9781760506322 Category : Languages : en Pages : 24
Book Description
Once there was a drawing of a penguin. It was the cutest penguin ever. The penguin knew he was cute ... And he didn't like it one bit. The penguin doesn't just want to be cute - he wants to look like a REAL penguin. But is there anything a drawing can do to change what they are? Follow this penguin's hilarious journey as he searches for a way to become less cute - giving all the other cute animal drawings in the sketchbook a stern talking to along the way.
Author: Florence Minor Publisher: Harper Collins ISBN: 0061130974 Category : Juvenile Fiction Languages : en Pages : 38
Book Description
If you were a penguin . . . You could swim really fast and toboggan on ice. Sing a happy duet, once or twice. You could live on land but dive under the sea. There's a lot penguins can do, just like you and me! Wendell and Florence Minor create a charming tribute to all the playful fun and activity that comes with being a penguin—which young readers can delight in too!
Author: Lynne Rickards Publisher: 'The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc' ISBN: 1499486545 Category : Juvenile Fiction Languages : en Pages : 34
Book Description
Pink! is a heartwarming story about learning to be different. Patrick wakes up one morning to find he’s turned pink overnight. But boys can’t be pink! Rejected by his friends, poor Patrick runs away in search of new pink playmates. He crosses oceans where he finds some pink flamingos, but will he ever fit in with them? Patrick soon learns that friendship is never black and white, but that real friends will accept you just as you are.
Author: Barbara Barbieri McGrath Publisher: Triangle Interactive, Inc. ISBN: 1684520762 Category : Juvenile Fiction Languages : en Pages : 38
Book Description
Five little penguins are content in the cold--until they spot a menacing mammal! With a rhyming narrative that counts to five, adorable penguins are soaring--or flying--through the sea, trying to elude a lurking creature. But as young readers of this charming tale will discover, a friendly seal is only looking to play a game of tag.
Author: Elia Anie Publisher: Elia Anie ISBN: 1482377446 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 100
Book Description
Penguins. They’re everywhere—gracing movie screens, Coke ads, and merchandise. But don’t let those happy feet fool you. When they’re not surfing or marching bravely across the Antarctic, penguins have a whole other agenda going on. And it isn’t pretty. In Evil Penguins, Elia Anie captures the antics of cute little birds who have gone over to the dark side. If you thought the worst a penguin could do is make you feel guilty about global warming, think again. A must-have for both penguin lovers and those who know that evil can come in even the cuddliest packages. “A fun and breezy read. Anie channels The Far Side with great success and maintains an acidic, devious tone throughout the entire book.” - Ain’tItCool.com Very funny and witty, with a dark nod, wink and a smile throughout." - The Penguin Post
Author: Sean Taylor Publisher: Templar Publishing ISBN: 1787411761 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 34
Book Description
When a little girl is given a penguin suit she decides that living as a penguin is much more fun than just dressing as one. But penguins don't exactly behave like people. They don't ride the bus like people, they don't talk like people and they certainly don't catch fish fingers like people. Her family tell her, "You're not actually a penguin," but she knows that she ACTUALLY is. A hilarious new picture book from Sean Taylor, the author of What a Naughty Bird and Kasia Matyjaszek, author/illustrator of I am a Very Clever Cat.
Author: Sarah Aspinall Publisher: Scholastic Inc. ISBN: 1338095684 Category : Juvenile Fiction Languages : en Pages : 40
Book Description
Mama loves brightly colored flowers and her little penguins too! Tulip, Tiger Lily, Dandelion, Bluebell, Violet, and Broccoli use red, orange, yellow, blue, purple, and green to color in their snowy world and paint a colorful surprise for Mama. Will she know who painted what? Of course she will! But will YOU know? Simple language and arresting, graphic illustrations introduce readers to the six primary and secondary colors and the adorable antics of six creative little penguins. A lively text, asking children to participate by answering questions, makes this an engaging, heartwarming story that is perfect for bedtime, story time, or anytime.
Author: Matthew Gasteier
Author: Matthew Gasteier
Author: Kari Schuetz
Author: Crispin Boyer
Author: Gabriel Evans
Author: Florence Minor
Author: Lynne Rickards
Author: Barbara Barbieri McGrath
Author: Elia Anie
Author: Sean Taylor
Author: Sarah Aspinall