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Author: Kathryn Petras Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307498492 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 274
Book Description
The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: • Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to “possession of a controlled substance” because she can’t find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. • Mariah Carey’s entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. • Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, “like, French.” • Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is “the two-equals-MC-squared thing,” and that an isosceles triangle is “somewhere in Bermuda.” Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel–no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet.
Author: Kathryn Petras Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307498492 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 274
Book Description
The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: • Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to “possession of a controlled substance” because she can’t find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. • Mariah Carey’s entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. • Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, “like, French.” • Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is “the two-equals-MC-squared thing,” and that an isosceles triangle is “somewhere in Bermuda.” Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel–no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet.
Author: Kathryn Petras Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307498506 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 306
Book Description
Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include • Extreme Hairsplitting–such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that “it was actually a boiler room” • Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon– like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror. • Creative Political Excuses——such as “I just discovered I’m Jewish and it’s a Holy Day,”——used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to “observe” Yom Kippur • The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos–measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs) This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for “How I Blew My Campaign” and “Worst Campaign Ad,” and shares a list of candidates “endorsed by God,” as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages–you’re about to learn what the definition of “is” is.
Author: Kathryn Petras Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307417611 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 305
Book Description
A hilarious collection of lists, statistics, news items, quotations, and facts detailing stupid acts of Americans from all walks of life—by the authors of the bestselling The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Everyone knows that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” but sometimes that means we’re free to be as bravely stupid as we want! In Unusually Stupid Americans, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras assemble choice bits of stupidity, U.S.A.-style, including •the top seriously flawed American advertising moments, including Pacific Airlines’ brilliant “You’re scared of flying? So’s our pilot!” ad campaign, which led the airline to bankruptcy within two months of the campaign’s inception •the Martin Luther King, Jr., celebration in Florida, where a plaque was un-veiled that was intended to honor the actor James Earl Jones but instead read, “Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive” (an unfortunate slip-up, as James Earl Ray was King’s assassin) •and much more!
Author: Samantha Irby Publisher: Vintage ISBN: 0988825864 Category : Literary Collections Languages : en Pages : 274
Book Description
The smart, edgy, hilarious, and unabashedly raunchy New York Times bestselling author explodes onto the printed page in her uproarious first collection of essays. "Whether she’s writing about her latest inflammatory bowel disease attack or documenting a sexual escapade gone awry (sometimes simultaneously), you’ll most likely be able to relate to Irby’s tell-all book. Her raw honesty and scathing sense of humor will make you laugh out loud." —JET Irby laughs her way through tragicomic mishaps, neuroses, and taboos as she struggles through adulthood: chin hairs, depression, bad sex, failed relationships, masturbation, taco feasts, inflammatory bowel disease and more. Updated with her favorite Instagramable, couch-friendly recipes, this much-beloved romp is treat for anyone in dire need of Irby's infamous, scathing wit and poignant candor. Don't miss Samantha Irby's bestselling new book, Quietly Hostile!
Author: Bert Whitehead Publisher: Sterling Publishing Company, Inc. ISBN: 9781402766893 Category : Business & Economics Languages : en Pages : 244
Book Description
For many of us, planning our own financial future presents pitfalls at every turn, because the truth is, when it comes to money, we are not always rational. Now you can take control of your economic life with confidence. Bert Whitehead, one of the top money-management advisors in America, gives you all the information you need to manage your wealth wisely by relying on your strongest asset-yourself. Book jacket.
Author: Kathryn Petras Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307800954 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 231
Book Description
The creme de la crud of screen history "War! War! That's all you think of, Dick Plantagenet! You burner! You pillager!" --Virginia Mayo as Lady Edith to George Sanders in King Richard and the Crusaders (1954) "Visits? That would indicate visitors." --Army captain learning of alien visits in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) "When I'm sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people." --Hero to heroine in The Slime People (1962) "Suck the coffin mushroom now." --The Ultimate Vampire (1991) "This is bad." --Leonardo DiCaprio as the you-know-what hits the you-know-what in Titanic (1997)
Author: Anna Todd Publisher: Simon and Schuster ISBN: 150113082X Category : Fiction Languages : en Pages : 656
Book Description
Anna Todd (#1 internationally bestselling author of the After series) headlines this unique anthology of “imagines”—the first book of its kind—stories from Wattpad writers that immerse you in a fantasy world of fame, adventure, and flirtation with your favorite celebrities. Imagine running around the city, dodging paparazzi with Jennifer Lawrence… Imagine Justin Bieber setting up a romantic scavenger hunt for your anniversary, retelling the story of your love… Imagine selfies have been outlawed, making Kim Kardashian a freedom fighter who needs your help in bringing justice and good lighting to the people… Let your fantasies take over! That’s what the top Wattpad authors have done in this special collection of fictional scenarios that bring you up close and personal with the real celebrities you love—star alongside Zayn Malik, Cameron Dallas, Kanye West, Selena Gomez, Dylan O’Brien, Tom Hardy, Jamie Dornan, Benedict Cumberbatch, and many more! Authors included in the book are Leigh Ansell, Rachel Aukes, Doeneseya Bates, Scarlett Drake, A. Evansley, Kevin Fanning, Ariana Godoy, Debra Goelz, Bella Higgin, Blair Holden, Kora Huddles, Annelie Lange, E. Latimer, Bryony Leah, Jordan Lynde, Laiza Millan, Peyton Novak, C.M. Peters, Michelle Jo Quinn, Dmitri Ragano, Elizabeth A. Seibert, Rebecca Sky, Karim Soliman, Kate J. Squires, Steffanie Tan, Kassandra Tate, Anna Todd, Katarina E. Tonks, Marcella Uva, Tango Walker, Bel Watson, Jen Wilde, and Ashley Winters. Wattpad is a writing community in which users are able to post articles, stories, fanfiction, and poems about anything either online or through the Wattpad app. Note: Although this book mentions many real celebrities, they have not participated in, authorized, or endorsed its creation.
Author: Ross Petras Publisher: Main Street Books ISBN: 0307764621 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 242
Book Description
A connoisseur's compendium of Freudian slips, spoonerisms, double-talk, and utter bosh from famous and infamous figures past and present -- a complete course in anti-eloquence by the foot-in-mouth champions of all time.
Author: Kathryn Petras
Author: Kathryn Petras
Author: Kathryn Petras
Author: Kathryn Petras
Author: Ross Petras
Author: Samantha Irby
Author: 
Author: Bert Whitehead
Author: Kathryn Petras
Author: Anna Todd
Author: Ross Petras