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The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own!

The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own! PDF Author: Jean Teasdale
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
ISBN: 1429951826
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 272

Book Description
A few words from the author and eponymous columnist behind The Onion's column, "A Room of Jean's Own," Jean Teasdale: Hi Jeanketeers and Jeanketeers-to-be!! As The Onion's very own Humor and Human-Interest columnist, I've been entertaining readers for 15 years with kooky tales of life with my hubby and our two feline children. Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!) A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to! Among the many nuggets of fun: * I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name! * I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting! * Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own! * Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs! * You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party! * Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree! * Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!) * Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!) I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own!

The Onion Presents A Book of Jean's Own! PDF Author: Jean Teasdale
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
ISBN: 1429951826
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 272

Book Description
A few words from the author and eponymous columnist behind The Onion's column, "A Room of Jean's Own," Jean Teasdale: Hi Jeanketeers and Jeanketeers-to-be!! As The Onion's very own Humor and Human-Interest columnist, I've been entertaining readers for 15 years with kooky tales of life with my hubby and our two feline children. Now for the first time, li'l ol' me shines front-and-center in a book of my very own! A Book of Jean's Own! features all-original, never-before-published material, and if that wasn't impressive enough, marks the very first Onion book by a solo writer! Historical, huh? My book is sure to find an eager audience among The Onion's ten-million-strong readership. Wait, ten million people? I had no idea! Frankly, that scares me a little. We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto! (Oh shoot, I should have put that hilarious phrase in my book!) A Book of Jean's Own! also marks a departure from past Onion books in that it isn't crammed with headlines and articles in teeny-weeny print! Instead, I write about the stuff that really matters: shopping, chocolate, part-time jobs, and hot Hollywood hunks! Whether you read my book on the bus, the beach, or the toilet, you're guaranteed to find something to chuckle at and deeply relate to! Among the many nuggets of fun: * I tell you the Twenty Things That Are Better Than Sex! * For the first time ever, you learn my maiden name! * I spill the secrets of my scrumptious chocolate-loaded desserts, such as Ooey Gooey Choco-Cocoa-Mocha Cupcakes With Raspberry Filling And Coconut-Cream Cheese-Cola Frosting! * Acquire valuable, real-world tips on coping with a job you dislike, getting through those rough teenage years, and styling a Jean hairdo of your very own! * Get a giggle out of my doodles and overdose on the words of wisdom that are my Jean Proverbs! * You've heard of pity parties—get my tips for throwing your very own self-pity party! * Check out my own cure for the blues, the Plush Jamboree! * Witness my nervous breakdown while writing this book (well, writing is hard, after all!) * Also for the first time ever, Hubby Rick speaks! (Spoiler: It's not entirely in grunts!) * Lots of exclamation points! (And phrases in parentheses!) I'm sure every single one of those ten million readers will buy my book! And who knows? They just may find something in it that will help them lead happier and better lives!

The Onion Girl

The Onion Girl PDF Author: Charles de Lint
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 9780765303813
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 512

Book Description
Charles de Lint's stunning new novel of magic and danger in the modern world.

The Onion Presents Homeland Insecurity

The Onion Presents Homeland Insecurity PDF Author: Scott Dikkers
Publisher: Random House Digital, Inc.
ISBN: 030733984X
Category : American wit and humor
Languages : en
Pages : 322

Book Description
Hot off the reprint presses! Onion fans hear this! Homeland Insecurity is the largest collection of award-winning journalism from America's Finest News Source ever released, and that means you must buy it! Featuring every brilliantly biting article printed in The Onion between November 2004 and December 2005, a time in our country's history ripe for further examination by America's Finest News Source, Homeland Insecurity collects all the news reporting you were too lazy to read when it first appeared, now delivered in a handy single volume that will fit perfectly on the bookshelf of your dorm, ward, or cell. Homeland Insecurity is Volume 17 in the always bestselling and always entertaining Onion series. The Onion is the world's most popular humor publication, with more than 3.8 million weekly visitors to its website (theonion.com) and a print circulation of more than 500,000. More than a million copies of its various books have been sold to date, beginning with Our Dumb Century, which was a #1 New York Times bestseller and winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor.

The Onion Book of Known Knowledge

The Onion Book of Known Knowledge PDF Author: The Onion
Publisher: Little, Brown
ISBN: 031613323X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 259

Book Description
Are you a witless cretin with no reason to live? Would you like to know more about every piece of knowledge ever? Do you have cash? Then congratulations, because just in time for the death of the print industry as we know it comes the final book ever published, and the only one you will ever need: The Onion's compendium of all things known. Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood, and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information -- such as the life stages of an Aunt; places to kill one's self in Utica, New York; and the dimensions of a female bucket, or "pail." With hundreds of entries for all 27 letters of the alphabet, The Onion Book of Known Knowledge must be purchased immediately to avoid the sting of eternal ignorance.

The Supper of the Lamb

The Supper of the Lamb PDF Author: Robert Farrar Capon
Publisher: Harvest
ISBN: 9780156868938
Category : Cookery
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
Reprint of the ed. published by Doubleday, Garden City, N.Y.

Project Onion

Project Onion PDF Author: Karen Stensgaard
Publisher: Sandefur Metz Publishing Company
ISBN: 0999219758
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 340

Book Description
Kathryn “Kat” Jensen’s new audit consulting job quickly becomes extremely dangerous. Investigating a notorious drug trafficker’s bank accounts can lead to life-threatening complications! When Kat Jensen, an out-of-work internal auditor in New York City, joins Melville Consulting, a friend’s secretive consulting firm, she unravels the elaborate money-laundering scheme used by a notorious drug lord nicknamed El Rey, or The King. Based on her analysis, the banks freeze his accounts. Furious, El Rey storms their office, threatening to kill her boss. The drug czar gets arrested, but Kat is badly shaken and wants to quit. Except auditing jobs aren’t easy to find after she took a year off to go on an unusual bucket-list voyage, and now she is broke. Memories of Kat’s brother, who lost the battle against drug addiction, and the much-needed paycheck convince her to try again. But when Kat unexpectedly meets El Rey, her life is in danger, since now he wants revenge. PROJECT ONION features an unexpectedly resilient businesswoman who decides to fight back. This suspense novel blends crime, time travel, and romance with multiple twists and turns. What book reviewers are saying: “Following the typical format of crime fiction, Stensgaard delivers an entertaining set-up to her series. Kat’s motivations for joining the Melville Consulting team are clear and her emotions are apparent and relatable.” - The BookLife Prize, part of Publishers Weekly “Project Onion by Karen Stensgaard is an engrossing read, packed with suspense, a little romance, and even some time travel for good measure. It has a very strong female lead, plenty of action, and no small amount of stunning twists and turns that will leave you dizzy. The main character is the kind of woman that others might dream of being - a sophisticated, smart decision-maker who isn't afraid to stare danger in the face and the thrilling plot marks the start of what looks to be a great new series. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and am looking forward to more of Kat Jenson's adventures.” - 5 Star Review by Anne-Marie Reynolds for Readers' Favorite “A riveting, impossible-to-put-down novel… Stensgaard kicks start her The Melville Consulting Series with this very clever, unpredictable genre mash-up tale. Stensgaard’s shrewd observations about a woman struggling to gather her courage in the face of unexpectedly trying circumstances register beautifully. The pacing is fast and tension stays high with relentless suspense in the back. This action-packed time-travel thriller delivers on its promising concept.” - The Prairies Book Review “An incredible story from a great storyteller with realistic and elaborately developed characters, Project Onion is a spellbinding opening that will create a lot of anticipation in readers as they wait for the next installment in the series. The narrative is enriched by the beautiful prose and Karen Stensgaard's deft creation in setting and atmosphere.” - 5 Star Review by Romuald Dzemo for Readers' Favorite “This book is one of a kind … The drama and romance set among the mystery make it an even more intriguing read and keeps you hooked and invested in the plot. I would love to read more such work or even more about these same characters. Kudos to the author for coming up with this story, and I hope the upcoming ones are just as great!” - 5 Star Review from Instagram Book Blogger read.with.emilee

What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say?

What Does Your Fortune Cookie Say? PDF Author: Adam Albrecht
Publisher: Ripples Media LLC
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
Through simple action steps, Adam Albrecht offers a broad range of useful ways to become a better professional and human through bite-sized stories of his own learnings.

Moonlight & Vines

Moonlight & Vines PDF Author: Charles de Lint
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 1429911255
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 385

Book Description
Familiar to Charles de Lint's ever-growing audience as the setting of the novels Memory & Dream, Trader, and Someplace To Be Flying, Newford is the quintessential North American city, tough and streetwise on the surface and rich with hidden magic for those who can see. Now de Lint returns to this extraordinary city for a third volume of short stories set there, including several never before published in book form. Here is enchantment under a streetlamp: the landscape of urban North America as only Charles de Lint can show it. "Blending Lovecraft's imagery, Dunsany's poetry, Carroll's surrealism, and Alice Hoffman's small-town strangeness," wrote Interzone on Dreams Underfoot, de Lint's Newford tales are "a haunting mixture of human warmth and cold inevitability, of lessons learned and prices to be paid." At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Interpreter of Maladies

Interpreter of Maladies PDF Author: Jhumpa Lahiri
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
ISBN: 039592720X
Category : East Indian Americans
Languages : en
Pages : 195

Book Description
In nine stories imbued with the sensual details of Indian culture, Lahiri charts the emotional journeys of characters seeking love beyond the barriers of nations and generations.

Mountain Solo

Mountain Solo PDF Author: Jeanette Ingold
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
ISBN: 0547754280
Category : Young Adult Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 321

Book Description
After a disastrous concert, a teenage musical prodigy who’s sick of the stress heads to Montana to figure out her next step . . . From the moment Tess picked up the violin as a child, it was clear she wasn’t like other kids. She was a prodigy, and at sixteen her life is that of a virtuoso-to-be: constant training, special schools, and a big debut before an audience of thousands. But when she blows her moment in the spotlight, she throws it all away, moves from New York City to join her father and his new family in Montana, and tries to lead a normal life—whatever that is. But she’s hardly arrived when she is drawn into a mystery: a hunt for the wilderness homestead of a lost pioneer who played violin himself. Maybe, through his story, Tess will figure out how to handle the expectations of others, and what she really wants for herself . . . “The characters are likeable, and their love of music shines through . . . For anyone fascinated by the power of music and its effects on individuals’ lives.” —School Library Journal