The Mammoth Book of One-Liners PDF Download

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1780335369
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 607

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Book Description
A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Running Press
ISBN: 9780786707836
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 512

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Book Description
More than 10,000 stories and jokes, limericks and one-liners, put-downs and puns in the ultimate, most comprehensive compendium of humor ever compiled. From boners and groaners to classic shaggy-dog stories and jokes for roasts and toasts, virtually every form of verbal humor on a whole raft of topics is represented in this not totally politically correct but always devilishly diverting collection of ticklers and howlers for any occasion. Humorous quotations, epigrams and epitaphs, newspaper misprints, misleading headlines ("MAGISTRATES MAY ACT ON INDECENT SHOWS"), limericks, puns, and the darnedest things said by kids ("a fjord is a Scandinavian car") also appear among the volume's ten thousand entries, which are arranged by category and fully indexed by subject. This format makes the book an easily accessible as well as invaluable companion to speech-makers for events great and small. So it is that The Mammoth Book of Humor meets the needs of both the maiden aunt looking for a wholesome joke to relate at a golden wedding anniversary and the best man who needs a blue one for the bachelor party. The volume even offers would-be wolves on the prowl pick-up lines-at the same time that it provides some snappy comebacks and a few ribald ripostes for the reluctant or disinterested prey. Waggish, witty, wisecracking, or whimsical, the humor is as various as it is vigorous on every page of this endlessly entertaining collection.

Author: Michael Powell
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1849016690
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 490

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Book Description
A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1780335377
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 405

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Book Description
From the man behind the bestselling Mammoth Book of Jokes, an all-new, enormous collection of fantastic jokes - indexed and categorised to help find the right joke for the right occasion, from Bar-Mitzvahs to bar-rooms. Bigger, better, and even bulkier than before, The Mammoth Book of Jokes 2 is the consummate collection, with jokes on every subject under the sun, from lawyers to low-energy light bulbs.

Author: Trisha Telep
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1849011796
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 655

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Book Description
You never forget your first time with a vampire. Whether reaquainting yourself with some of your favourite, sexy creatures of the night or getting bitten by the vampire romance phenomenon for the very first time, let the biggest and brightest names in the business help you explore your dark side. Witness the bewildering array of complex vampire codes of conduct, dark ritual and dating practices as they chat up the locals and engage in the most erotic encounters you will sink your teeth into this side of un-Death. Because vampires never really die, do they?

Author: Paul Gravett
Publisher: Running Press Adult
ISBN:
Category : Comics & Graphic Novels
Languages : en
Pages : 510

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Book Description
Mammoth Books: From history to manga, true crime to sci-fi, these anthologies feature top-name contributors and award-winning editors.

Author: Geoff Tibbals
Publisher: Running PressBook Pub
ISBN: 9780786718313
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 520

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Book Description
A compendium of 450 top-selected cartoons from around the world includes pieces by such artists as Peter Arno, Posy Simmonds, and Charles Addams and is thematically arranged under such headings as Sport, Sex, and the Long Arm of the Law, in a volume complemented by brief artist biographies. Original.

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Running Press
ISBN: 9780786714070
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 512

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Book Description
The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners contains the ultimate, most comprehensive compendium of humor ever compiled. From shaggy-dog stories to jokes for roasts and toasts, virtually every form of verbal humor on a whole raft of topics is represented in this not totally politically correct—but always diverting—collection of ticklers and howlers for any occasion. Humorous quotations, epigrams and epitaphs, limericks, and puns also appear among the volume's thousands of entries categorized by topic. This format makes the book an easily accessible as well as invaluable companion to speechmakers for events great and small—meeting the needs of both the maiden aunt looking for a wholesome joke to relate at a golden wedding anniversary and the best man who needs a blue one for the bachelor party. Providing more than 10,000 choices, this mammoth book even offers would-be wolves on the prowl pick-up lines—at the same time that it offers some snappy comebacks and a few ribald ripostes for the reluctant or disinterested prey.

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Constable
ISBN: 9781841199672
Category : Wit and humor
Languages : en
Pages : 512

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Book Description
The Mammoth Book of Dirty, Sick, X-Rated and Politically Incorrect Jokes is the ultimate collection of X-rated and decidedly politically incorrect jokes - an indispensable guide to the funny, the fearless and the filthy. Be warned, the contents of this spanking new bumper book are not for the faint-hearted. Even a blonde would blush ...if she got any of them.

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1849017735
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 587

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Book Description
The biggest and best collection of jokes for all the family to enjoy. 8,000 rib-ticklers, covering every subject under the sun from Aardvarks to Zombies, including chicken jokes, doctor-doctor jokes, elephant jokes, horror jokes, knock-knock jokes, excruciating puns, riddles, school jokes, sports jokes and waiter jokes. Most of the jokes are sharp one-liners but there is also a scattering of slightly longer stories.