The Stupidest Things Ever Said by Politicians PDF Download

Author: Ross Petras
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 0671040537
Category : Political science
Languages : en
Pages : 292

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Book Description
...A nonpartisan hall of shame featuring the idiotic utterances, ridiculous slogans, mixed metaphors, and lame excuses that have fallen from the mouths of our fearless leaders around the world, and from the present and past (because stupidity knows no age).

Author: Ross Petras
Publisher: Main Street Books
ISBN: 0307799360
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 177

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Book Description
*Too lazy to drive to his girlfriend's house, a man ties helium balloons to a lawn chair--and ends up at 15,000 feet, closing the L. A. airport. *A Chinese contraception program causes the birth rate to rise when men are discovered taking birth control pills and unrolling condoms over their fingers--exactly as shown in the training film. *A gang of Norwegian thieves carefully uses explosives to open a safe--only to find the safe is filled with dynamite. . . In the national bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said--over 200,000 copies in print--Ross and Kathryn Petras immortalized idiotic utterances by public figures and average citizens alike. But what about the doers out there, the people who didn't stop at speaking, but went right out and did something stupid instead? It's time to give credit where credit is due. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a hilarious collection of inane incidents, senseless stunts, farcical feats, and utterly asinine activities from throughout history, and around the globe. From Sam Goldwyn to Walter Mondale, Albert Einstein to Fabio, the board of General Motors to British Parliament, this comic compendium chronicles the stupidest acts, ideas, decisions, inventions, songs, and ad campaigns that the mind of modern man has been able to devise. The 176 Stupidest Things Ever Done is a non-stop barrage of belly laughs, conclusive proof that actions speak louder--and funnier--than words.

Author: Kathryn Petras
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0307498492
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 274

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Book Description
The Greeks honored Zeus, the Romans revered Juno, but modern civilization worships a different sort of god: Celebrity. Face it, we follow the stars’ every move, fashion choice, and deliciously dishy affairs. Now Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, authors of Unusually Stupid Americans, pull the demanding divas, screwball stars, and celebu-twits off their pedestals–and prove it doesn’t take a degree in rocket science to become famous. Cases in point: • Courtney Love misses an important court date relating to “possession of a controlled substance” because she can’t find a professional bodyguard at the last minute. • Mariah Carey’s entourage includes a skirt-from-touching-floor specialist, a towel hand-off person, and a professional drink holder/lifter. • Savvy traveler Paris Hilton concludes that all of Europe is, “like, French.” • Mensa candidate and rocker Tommy Lee is pretty sure that Winston Churchill was president during the Civil War, that the numeric equivalent of pi is “the two-equals-MC-squared thing,” and that an isosceles triangle is “somewhere in Bermuda.” Feuds, faith, family, money, sex, tantrums, travel–no star-studded stone is left unturned. Filled with jaw-dropping anecdotes, quirky quotes, and special stupid-celebrity awards, Unusually Stupid Celebrities provides a red-faced glimpse of the red carpet.

Author: Kathryn Petras
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0307800954
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 231

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Book Description
The creme de la crud of screen history "War! War! That's all you think of, Dick Plantagenet! You burner! You pillager!" --Virginia Mayo as Lady Edith to George Sanders in King Richard and the Crusaders (1954) "Visits? That would indicate visitors." --Army captain learning of alien visits in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) "When I'm sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people." --Hero to heroine in The Slime People (1962) "Suck the coffin mushroom now." --The Ultimate Vampire (1991) "This is bad." --Leonardo DiCaprio as the you-know-what hits the you-know-what in Titanic (1997)

Author: Kathryn Petras
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0307417611
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 305

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Book Description
A hilarious collection of lists, statistics, news items, quotations, and facts detailing stupid acts of Americans from all walks of life—by the authors of the bestselling The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said Everyone knows that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” but sometimes that means we’re free to be as bravely stupid as we want! In Unusually Stupid Americans, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras assemble choice bits of stupidity, U.S.A.-style, including •the top seriously flawed American advertising moments, including Pacific Airlines’ brilliant “You’re scared of flying? So’s our pilot!” ad campaign, which led the airline to bankruptcy within two months of the campaign’s inception •the Martin Luther King, Jr., celebration in Florida, where a plaque was un-veiled that was intended to honor the actor James Earl Jones but instead read, “Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive” (an unfortunate slip-up, as James Earl Ray was King’s assassin) •and much more!

Author: Ross Petras
Publisher: Workman Publishing
ISBN: 9780761137917
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 354

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Book Description
Look up Religion, and discover this from Paris Hilton: [The Kaballah] helps you confront your fears. Like, if a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her. Or Anatomy, and find sportscaster Jerry Coleman: Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! ItÕs rolling all the way back to second base! Or Truth in GovernmentÑhereÕs Senator Alan Simpson: There are a lot of things that we do that are irrelevant, but thatÕs what the Senate is for. Arranged alphabetically, from Accident, Traffic to Zoology, Game Show ContestantsÕ Knowledge of (and you wouldnÕt believe how distorted that knowledge sometimes is), The Lexicon of Stupidity is an overstuffed dictionary of quotes, banalities, actual book titles, holdup notes, menu items, TV listings, and more, each meeting one exacting criterion: theyÕre so jaw-droppingly dumb you canÕt help but laugh. ItÕs the wit of the witless. The comedy of the clueless. The giggly fun of celebrities, athletes, politicians, newscasters, and other pompous types planting a foot (or two) firmly in mouth. And no authors could be more qualified to pull it together than Ross and Kathryn Petras, whose calendar celebrating stupidityÑThe 365 Stupidest Things Ever SaidÑis a perennial knock-out, with millions of copies sold since its debut in 1995. It even includes real courtroom testimony: Q. Are you sexually active? A. No, I just lie there.

Author: Kathryn Petras
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0307498506
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 306

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Book Description
Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras, bestselling authors of the scathingly funny Unusually Stupid Americans and Unusually Stupid Celebrities, now set their bipartisan sights on the hallowed halls of the United States government. Unusually Stupid Politicians exposes the mind-boggling but true political mishaps, missteps, and miscues that have even the savviest spin doctors shaking their heads and saying “No comment.” Sections include • Extreme Hairsplitting–such as when Florida governor Jeb Bush, after being accused of hiding in a closet from rampaging Democrats, denied the allegation completely, stating that “it was actually a boiler room” • Brilliant and Innovative Ideas from The Pentagon– like their groundbreaking "Gay Bomb," their "Bad Breath Inducing" halitosis weapon and their plans to enlist The Three Stooges in the fight against terror. • Creative Political Excuses——such as “I just discovered I’m Jewish and it’s a Holy Day,”——used by Senator George Allen, who, after learning of his Jewish heritage, got out of a Senate hearing to “observe” Yom Kippur • The Most Egregiously Large Political Egos–measured in standard Chuck Schumer Ego Units (CSEUs) This hilarious and eye-opening exposé gives awards for “How I Blew My Campaign” and “Worst Campaign Ad,” and shares a list of candidates “endorsed by God,” as well as a list of those who lost because of Satan. So turn off C-SPAN and quit text-messaging congressional pages–you’re about to learn what the definition of “is” is.

Author: Kathryn Petras
Publisher: Villard
ISBN: 0812973151
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 242

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Book Description
THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU’LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its head–taking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining out–by using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: • Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. –shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali • Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? –Japanese medical form • Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. –in a French hotel brochure • Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch. –slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don’t take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that’s too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: “If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us.”

Author: Gary Saul Morson
Publisher: Yale University Press
ISBN: 0300167474
Category : Literary Criticism
Languages : en
Pages : 354

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Book Description
In this lively gambol through the history of quotations and quotation books, Gary Saul Morson traces our enduring fascination with the words of others. Ranging from the remote past to the present, he explores the formation, development, and significance of quotations, while exploring the "verbal museums" in which they have been collected and displayed--commonplace books, treasuries, and anthologies. In his trademark clear, witty, and provocative style, Morson invites readers to share his delight in the shortest literary genre. The author defines what makes a quote quotable, as well as the (unexpected) differences between quotation and misquotation. He describes how quotations form, transform, and may eventually become idioms. How much of language itself is the residue of former quotations? Weaving in hundreds of intriguing quotations, common and unusual, Morson explores how the words of others constitute essential elements in the formation of a culture and of the self within that culture. In so doing, he provides a demonstration of that very process, captured in the pages of this extraordinary new book.

Author: Gene Shalit
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
ISBN: 1429980486
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 236

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Book Description
Great Hollywood Wit rollicks with hilarious movie lines and backstage zingers-smart, tart, and (in Sir John Gielgud's case) wicked: "Ingrid Bergman speaks five languages and can't act in any of them." Julia Roberts, fashion buff: "I only put clothes on so that I'm not naked when I go out shopping." Retiring Burt Reynolds: "You can only hold your stomach in for so many years." Great Hollywood Wit is an unequaled cavalcade of hilarity that you'll laugh through again and again. A wonderful one-of-a-kind gift.