Last Night a Bidet Drenched My Wife PDF Download

Author: @Trouteyes with Moose Allain
Publisher: Kings Road Publishing
ISBN: 1788702131
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 76

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Book Description
Brilliantly funny misheard lyrics and outrageous earworms 'Six o'clock already I was just in the middle of a dream. I was kissing Danny DeVito by a crystal blue Italian stream.' 'I was loooking for some action and all I found were cygnets and a waterfall.' 'When I get that feeling I need saxophone cleaning.' Funny, surreal, absurd and occasionally embarrassing, everyone has a misheard lyric moment. From simple mistakes like 'If you don't Naomi by now. You will never never Naomi', to something completely off the wall 'Specs and rugs and sausage rolls, are all my mind and body needs' - these linguistic gaffes have been the source of fun ever since the dawn of popular music. Now everyone's favourite online goon - the one and only @trouteyes has amassed a heap of his own wonky earworms for our reading pleasure in this wonderful hashtag fire emoji humour book.

Author: Allison Pataki
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0593355709
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 433

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Book Description
NATIONAL BESTSELLER • “Marvelous . . . I just had to be there with the Post cereal heiress through every twist and turn.”—Martha Hall Kelly, New York Times bestselling author of Lilac Girls “New-money heiress Marjorie Post isn’t content to remain a society bride as she remakes herself into a savvy entrepreneur, a visionary philanthropist, a presidential hostess, and much more.”—Kate Quinn, New York Times bestselling author of The Rose Code Mrs. Post, the President and First Lady are here to see you. . . . So begins another average evening for Marjorie Merriweather Post. Presidents have come and gone, but she has hosted them all. Growing up in the modest farmlands of Battle Creek, Michigan, Marjorie was inspired by a few simple rules: always think for yourself, never take success for granted, and work hard—even when deemed American royalty, even while covered in imperial diamonds. Marjorie had an insatiable drive to live and love and to give more than she got. From crawling through Moscow warehouses to rescue the Tsar’s treasures to outrunning the Nazis in London, from serving the homeless of the Great Depression to entertaining Roosevelts, Kennedys, and Hollywood’s biggest stars, Marjorie Merriweather Post lived an epic life few could imagine. Marjorie’s journey began gluing cereal boxes in her father’s barn as a young girl. No one could have predicted that C. W. Post’s Cereal Company would grow into the General Foods empire and reshape the American way of life, with Marjorie as its heiress and leading lady. Not content to stay in her prescribed roles of high-society wife, mother, and hostess, Marjorie dared to demand more, making history in the process. Before turning thirty she amassed millions, becoming the wealthiest woman in the United States. But it was her life-force, advocacy, passion, and adventurous spirit that led to her stunning legacy. And yet Marjorie’s story, though full of beauty and grandeur, set in the palatial homes she built such as Mar-a-Lago, was equally marked by challenge and tumult. A wife four times over, Marjorie sought her happily-ever-after with the blue-blooded party boy who could not outrun his demons, the charismatic financier whose charm turned to betrayal, the international diplomat with a dark side, and the bon vivant whose shocking secrets would shake Marjorie and all of society. Marjorie did everything on a grand scale, especially when it came to love. Bestselling and acclaimed author Allison Pataki has crafted an intimate portrait of a larger-than-life woman, a powerful story of one woman falling in love with her own voice and embracing her own power while shaping history in the process.

Author: Stan Davis
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1465375252
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 199

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Book Description
After publishing fourteen professional books, Stan wrote Tall Tales to leave a legacy for subsequent generations, as a human annuity, as a mark of his post-retirement work, and as a way of taking stock. Its done in four genresmemoir, essay, fi ction and poetry-and grouped by theme, with sections on his personal life, work life, his thoughts on religion, ten fi ctional tales, and two intermezzi with some poems. Thats it. Have fun.

Author: Alain Mabanckou
Publisher: Catapult
ISBN: 1593763077
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 177

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Book Description
An irreverent, allusive, scatalogical, tragicomic masterpiece that centers on the patrons of a run-down bar as they try to document the details of their lives in a country that appears to have forgotten the importance of remembering. In Republic of the Congo, in the town of Trois-Cents, in a bar called Credit Gone West, a former schoolteacher known as Broken Glass drinks red wine and records the stories of the bar and its regulars for posterity: Stubborn Snail, the owner, who must battle church people, ex-alcoholics, tribal leaders, and thugs set on destroying him and his business; the Printer, who had his respectable life in France ruined by a white woman, his wife; Robinette, who could outdrink and outpiss any man; and Broken Glass himself, whose own tale involves as much heartbreak, squalor, disappointment, and delusion. But Broken Glass fails spectacularly at staying out of trouble as one denizen after another wants to rewrite history in an attempt at making sure his portrayal will properly reflect their exciting and dynamic lives. Despondent over this apparent triumph of self-delusion over self-awareness, Broken Glass drowns his sorrows and riffs on the great books of Africa and the West. Brimming with life, death, and literary allusions, Broken Glass is Mabanckou's finest novel--a mocking satire of the dangers of artistic integrity.

Author: Mark Winegardner
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 158836433X
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 549

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Book Description
THE MISSING YEARS FROM THE GREATEST CRIME SAGA OF ALL TIME Thirty-five years ago, Mario Puzo’s great American tale, The Godfather, was published, and popular culture was indelibly changed. Now, in The Godfather Returns, acclaimed novelist Mark Winegardner continues the story–the years not covered in Puzo’s bestselling book or in Francis Ford Coppola’s classic films. It is 1955. Michael Corleone has won a bloody victory in the war among New York’s crime families. Now he wants to consolidate his power, save his marriage, and take his family into legitimate businesses. To do so, he must confront his most dangerous adversary yet, Nick Geraci, a former boxer who worked his way through law school as a Corleone street enforcer, and who is every bit as deadly and cunning as Michael. Their personal cold war will run from 1955 to 1962, exerting immense influence on the lives of America’s most powerful criminals and their loved ones, including Tom Hagen, the Corleone Family’s lawyer and consigliere, who embarks on a political career in Nevada while trying to protect his brother; Francesca Corleone, daughter of Michael’s late brother Sonny, who is suddenly learning her family’s true history and faces a difficult choice; Don Louie Russo, head of the Chicago mob, who plays dumb but has wily ambitions for muscling in on the Corleones’ territory; Peter Clemenza, the stalwart Corleone underboss, who knows more Family secrets than almost anyone; Ambassador M. Corbett Shea, a former Prohibition-era bootlegger and business ally of the Corleones’, who wants to get his son elected to the presidency–and needs some help from his old friends; Johnny Fontane, the world’s greatest saloon singer, who ascends to new heights as a recording artist, cozying up to Washington’s power elite and maintaining a precarious relationship with notorious underworld figures; Kay Adams Corleone, who finally discovers the truth about her husband, Michael–and must decide what it means for their marriage and their children and Fredo Corleone, whose death has never been fully explained until now, and whose betrayal of the Family was part of a larger and more sinister chain of events. Sweeping from New York and Washington to Las Vegas and Cuba, The Godfather Returns is the spellbinding story of America’s criminal underworld at mid-century and its intersection with the political, legal, and entertainment empires. Mark Winegardner brings an original voice and vision to Mario Puzo’s mythic characters while creating several equally unforgettable characters of his own. The Godfather Returns stands on its own as a triumph–in a tale about what we love, yearn for, and sometimes have reason to fear . . . family.

Author: Allan D. Moore
Publisher: No Free Lunch Inc
ISBN: 1440129967
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 496

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Book Description
At a gala evening dinner dance, lovely thirty-five-year-old Butters announces openly on the dance floor to Slats, "The last time I saw you, you were naked." Kevin "Slats" Slattery, a married middle-aged advertising executive with two children, is certain he has never seen this woman before. He is in a tizzy over her outrageous pronouncement. He wonders if Butters is a hustler, kook, bored housewife, or actress. He wonders which of his friends put her up to this stunt. In spite of how upset he is by Butters' pronouncement, Slats is intrigued by the woman herself-a voluptuous female with teasing eyes and a dazzling smile. Soon, Butters and Slats act on their mutual attraction and begin an affair, both cheating on their spouses. Even though Butters has made Slats feel like a man again, he questions his affair and still feels obligated to Terry, his wife of twenty-five years. A humorous romance, The Last Time I Saw You, You Were NAKED! depicts the magnificence of life and delivers the message that adversity can be a powerful motivator. The human spirit can overcome inequities, and individuals can reach within themselves to become survivors. Just add a bit of humor.

Author: Kate Spicer
Publisher: Ebury Press
ISBN: 9781785039201
Category : Human-animal relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 288

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Book Description
The Sunday Times top ten bestseller 'Lost Dog is already one of my books of the year. Spicer writes like a dream...You will love it.' India Knight, Sunday Times 'Sharply observed and deeply funny, it's one of the best, most enjoyable books of 2019 so far' British Vogue What did Fleabag do next? One morning, you wake up and wonder what has happened to your life. Then you realise: you happened to yourself. Kate is a middle aged woman trying to steer some order into a life that is going off the rails. When she adopts a lurcher called Wolfy, the shabby rescue dog saves her from herself. But when the dog disappears, it is up to Kate to hit the streets of London and find him. Will she save him, as he has saved her - or will she lose everything? As she trudges endlessly calling his name in the hopeless hope she may find him, she runs into other people's landscapes and lives, finding allies amongst psychics, bloggers and mysterious midnight joggers. Trying to find her dog tests her relationship, and her sanity, to its limits - and gets her thinking about her life, and why things have turned out as they have for her. A brilliant, life-affirming memoir, Lost Dog is a book like no other about the myth of modern womanhood.

Author: Imogen Dall
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
ISBN: 1526628449
Category : Health & Fitness
Languages : en
Pages : 203

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Book Description
Work can leave you frazzled – but it shouldn't. What you need is some sane advice to get you through. Your body aches. Your brain feels like a mouldy wrung-out dishcloth. You can barely get anything done and, hang on, why are you even doing this anyway? Is there something wrong with you? Nope. You're just burnt out. Burnout Survival Kit offers practical advice for when things are already bad. There's no mystical magic about unleashing your inner corporate superhero, no weird productivity diagrams, and certainly no crap about working 'smarter'. Instead, this is the calm inner voice that you need, served with a sense of humour on the side. As well as helping you to take time to ground yourself, there are brilliant hacks for all the causes of stress and anxiety, from how to approach networking (no one likes it) to practical advice on sleeping better. And the jokes help too. This may not be a cure, but it really does offer instant relief and give you the chance to take a breath. So whether you're just starting to burn or fully scorched to a crisp, rest easy. You've got a Burnout Survival Kit.

Author: Lisa McGee
Publisher: Seven Dials
ISBN: 9781841884417
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 0

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Book Description
Set in Derry, Northern Ireland in the 1990s, Derry Girls is a candid, one-of-a-kind comedy about what it's like to be a teenage girl living amongst conflict. It's a time of armed police in armoured Land Rovers and British Army check points. But it's also the time of Murder She Wrote, The Cranberries, Salt-N-Pepa, Doc Martens and The X Files. And while The Troubles may hang over her hometown, Erin has troubles of her own, like the fact that the boy she's in love with (actually in LOVE with) doesn't know she exists. Or that her Ma and Aunt Sarah make her include her weirdo cousin Orla in everything she does. Or that head teacher Sister Michael refuses to acknowledge Erin as a literary genius. Not to mention the fact that her second best friend has ALMOST had sex, whereas Erin's never even kissed anyone yet. These are Erin's Troubles. Described by the Guardian as 'daft, profane and absolutely brilliant', by the New Statesman as 'pitch-perfect' and by i-D as 'the greatest show on British (and Irish) TV', Derry Girls has dazzled audiences for two series, with Channel 4's biggest UK comedy launch since 2004 and the biggest television series in Northern Ireland since modern records began. Now, this autumn, comes the first official tie-in. In the manner of the very best TV comedy books, Erin's Diary is a hilarious 'in world' publication that extends the laugh-out-loud humour of Derry Girls onto the page. With Erin's inner take on everything that has happened so far, this book will both dive deeper into the events we have seen unfold on the screen and unveil brand new stories and never-before-revealed details about characters. Complete with newspaper clippings, doodles, poetry, school reports, handwritten notes from her friends, and much much more, Erin's Diary is as warm, funny and brilliantly observed as the TV; a must-have for fans this Christmas. 'Erin is sixteen and wishes she had a boyfriend and a life. Nothing else really happens... It's boring.' Orla McCool

Author: Michael Mewshaw
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 0743213076
Category : Travel
Languages : en
Pages : 260

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Book Description
From Simon & Schuster, Playing Away is Michael Mewshaw's experience on Roman holidays as well as other Mediterranean encounters. Playing Away includes a wide variety of chapters, including ones on traveling by train, enjoying summertime and alfresco living, the unique aspects of the different Mediterranean cities, and much more about exploring this magic region.