How to Save Your Child from Ostrich Attacks, Accidental Time Travel, and Anything Else that Might Happen on an Average Tuesday PDF Download

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: BenBella Books
ISBN: 194883670X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 175

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Book Description
The parenting humorist behind the viral Twitter account @XplodingUnicorn and author of Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse presents the long-awaited guide to surviving everything else In the era of instant parent shaming and viral hot takes, some questions are too dangerous to ask out loud: What's the proper first aid for my toddler's vampire bite? What should I do if I take a wrong turn on the way to soccer practice and end up in the Cretaceous Period? How can I fend off Godzilla without disrupting my child's nap? Fortunately, there's now a parenting resource that answers those burning questions and many more. Professional comedy writer and amateur father James Breakwell's latest book tackles more than 90 survival challenges ordinary parents might encounter in their everyday lives, including: • How to protect your child against tigers, penguins, mastodons, and other animals found in the suburbs. • How to defeat ghosts, gremlins, mummies, and any other supernatural force that might prevent you from getting your kid to bed on time. • How to survive crashing horses, trains, hot air balloons, and other vehicles you might find in the carpool lane. This is an essential guide for anyone who has children, might have children someday, or is vaguely aware children exist. Put this book down at your own—and your children's—risk.

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: BenBella Books
ISBN: 1953295312
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 241

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Book Description
There's no wrong way to be a woman. There are countless wrong ways to be a man. James Breakwell should know. He's tried just about all of them. Journalism. Pig ownership. Felony lawn gnome theft. Whatever masculinity is supposed to be, this can't be it. But can you really fail at something no one can quite define? Apparently. Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone's favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They're right behind you.) If you ever wanted to know how to fail at altruism, dodge the priesthood, and stumble your way into unexpected wisdom, this book is for you. How to Be a Man (Whatever that Means) presents a vision of manhood that looks very different from what you'll see on TV. And that's a good thing. Probably.

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: Atlantic Books
ISBN: 1786496976
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 157

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Book Description
The slacker's guide to parenting from the Twitter's most popular dad! Overachieving parents want you to believe the harder you work, the better your children your will turn out. That lie ends now. The truth is most kids end up remarkably unremarkable no matter what you do, so you might as well achieve mediocrity by the easiest possible route. In Bare Minimum Parenting, amateur parenting sort-of expert James Breakwell will teach you to stop worrying and embrace your child's destiny as devastatingly average. To get there, you'll have to overcome your kid, other parents, unnecessary sporting activity, broccoli, and yourself. Everyone will try to make your life more difficult than necessary. Honestly, by reading this far, you're already trying too hard. But don't stop now. You're exactly the kind of person who needs this book. Reviews for James Breakwell Hilarious! - The Sun VERY funny Twitter feed - The Daily Mail The most hilarious man on Twitter - The Telegraph The funniest dad on Twitter - BuzzFeed

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0593110668
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 21

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Book Description
Popular comedy writer James Breakwell brings us the story of a determined boy with big dreams who remains undeterred by all the naysayers! Tommy knows exactly what he wants to be when he grows up. But when he announces that he plans to be a pterodactyl, it turns out he’s surrounded by skeptics (because what would he eat? Where would he live? How would he make money?). What’s a kid with a big dream to do? Well first of all, he’s not about to give up. (And he has a lot of good answers!) And fortunately, Tommy also has a wonderfully open-minded dad who helps him find a way to fulfill his goal. Kids will be cheering for Tommy on his road to pterodactyldom in this funny, engaging story, all the way to its clever resolution.

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: BenBella Books
ISBN: 194464864X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 200

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Book Description
It's not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed. And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay. There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That's hell on earth, even without the zombies. Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us. Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs. This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won't change at the end of the world. There's no reason you can't be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it. If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best―and only―chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don't read this book, your children will die.

Author: Paul Kingsnorth
Publisher: Graywolf Press
ISBN: 1555979726
Category : Literary Collections
Languages : en
Pages : 208

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Book Description
A provocative and urgent essay collection that asks how we can live with hope in “an age of ecocide” Paul Kingsnorth was once an activist—an ardent environmentalist. He fought against rampant development and the depredations of a corporate world that seemed hell-bent on ignoring a looming climate crisis in its relentless pursuit of profit. But as the environmental movement began to focus on “sustainability” rather than the defense of wild places for their own sake and as global conditions worsened, he grew disenchanted with the movement that he once embraced. He gave up what he saw as the false hope that residents of the First World would ever make the kind of sacrifices that might avert the severe consequences of climate change. Full of grief and fury as well as passionate, lyrical evocations of nature and the wild, Confessions of a Recovering Environmentalist gathers the wave-making essays that have charted the change in Kingsnorth’s thinking. In them he articulates a new vision that he calls “dark ecology,” which stands firmly in opposition to the belief that technology can save us, and he argues for a renewed balance between the human and nonhuman worlds. This iconoclastic, fearless, and ultimately hopeful book, which includes the much-discussed “Uncivilization” manifesto, asks hard questions about how we’ve lived and how we should live.

Author: James Breakwell
Publisher: National Geographic Books
ISBN: 1950665909
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0

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Book Description
There's no wrong way to be a woman. There are countless wrong ways to be a man. James Breakwell should know. He's tried just about all of them. Journalism. Pig ownership. Felony lawn gnome theft. Whatever masculinity is supposed to be, this can't be it. But can you really fail at something no one can quite define? Apparently. Now, in a series of funny, sharply observed, and occasionally poignant essays, everyone's favorite internet-famous father of four daughters lays down a lifetime of lessons in what it means to be a man. You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder what really happened to those creepy lawn gnomes on that deserted country road. (Spoiler alert: They're right behind you.) If you ever wanted to know how to fail at altruism, dodge the priesthood, and stumble your way into unexpected wisdom, this book is for you. How to Be a Man (Whatever that Means) presents a vision of manhood that looks very different from what you'll see on TV. And that's a good thing. Probably.

Author: Dan Sheehan
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1524871699
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 208

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Book Description
One of the Best Humor Books of 2021! (Vulture) You are a HUMAN MAN navigating every day life, dating, bus etiquette, and other important human concerns. You are definitely NOT A WOLF. Life is good. You have a job, an apartment in a nice part of town, and an online dating profile that’s recently yielded as many as three matches. From the outside, it would appear you’re a human man that has all the pieces of a stable and functional life. But you also have a horrible secret. You’re not a human man at all. You're a WOLF. Based on the immensely popular Twitter account @SickOfWolves, this interactive story follows you, (who, if anyone asks, is NOT A WOLF) as you go about normal life, making choices that will either reveal your true identity or allow you to keep your cover. Each choice is crucial to your survival and, more importantly, your burgeoning graphic design career. Will you navigate water cooler gossip without arousing suspicion? Can you go on a date without bringing up how much you love ham? Or is it perhaps time to throw this human world to the wind and return to the woods from whence you came?

Author: Jostein Gaarder
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux
ISBN: 1466804270
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 544

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Book Description
One day Sophie comes home from school to find two questions in her mail: "Who are you?" and "Where does the world come from?" Before she knows it she is enrolled in a correspondence course with a mysterious philosopher. Thus begins Jostein Gaarder's unique novel, which is not only a mystery, but also a complete and entertaining history of philosophy.

Author: Jim McKelvey
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0593086740
Category : Business & Economics
Languages : en
Pages : 290

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Book Description
From the cofounder of Square, an inspiring and entertaining account of what it means to be a true entrepreneur and what it takes to build a resilient, world-changing company In 2009, a St. Louis glassblowing artist and recovering computer scientist named Jim McKelvey lost a sale because he couldn't accept American Express cards. Frustrated by the high costs and difficulty of accepting credit card payments, McKelvey joined his friend Jack Dorsey (the cofounder of Twitter) to launch Square, a startup that would enable small merchants to accept credit card payments on their mobile phones. With no expertise or experience in the world of payments, they approached the problem of credit cards with a new perspective, questioning the industry's assumptions, experimenting and innovating their way through early challenges, and achieving widespread adoption from merchants small and large. But just as Square was taking off, Amazon launched a similar product, marketed it aggressively, and undercut Square on price. For most ordinary startups, this would have spelled the end. Instead, less than a year later, Amazon was in retreat and soon discontinued its service. How did Square beat the most dangerous company on the planet? Was it just luck? These questions motivated McKelvey to study what Square had done differently from all the other companies Amazon had killed. He eventually found the key: a strategy he calls the Innovation Stack. McKelvey's fascinating and humorous stories of Square's early days are blended with historical examples of other world-changing companies built on the Innovation Stack to reveal a pattern of ground-breaking, competition-proof entrepreneurship that is rare but repeatable. The Innovation Stack is a thrilling business narrative that's much bigger than the story of Square. It is an irreverent first-person look inside the world of entrepreneurship, and a call to action for all of us to find the entrepreneur within ourselves and identify and fix unsolved problems--one crazy idea at a time.