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Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing ISBN: 1449410391 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 137
Book Description
"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing ISBN: 1449410391 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 137
Book Description
"This laugh-out-loud hilarious book is mandatory reading for parents, and should be taught in schools as the "cautionary tale" portion of Sex Ed. Run don't walk to buy it, and if you're a baby with lethal parents, crawl don't roll." --Rob Kutner (writer, The Daily Show, Conan, The Future According To Me) "Unlike babies themselves, copies of Jacob Sager Weinstein's book can be bought and sold on the open market. Buy two and bring joy and laughter to the lives of a copy-less couple." --Jose Arroyo (writer, Conan) "The "s-a-g-e" in Jacob's middle moniker indicates exactly that. He is a whimsically wise and hysterically funny fellow whom any child (or book buying adult) would be wise to listen to." --Dennis Miller "If you don't buy this book and then your baby dies, how are you going to feel? Pretty bad, I imagine." --Larry Doyle (writer, I Love You Beth Cooper; Go, Mutants!; The Simpsons) Have you ever read a parenting book that left you feeling inadequate and/or terrified? In other words, have you ever read any parenting book whatsoever? If so, you need How Not To Kill Your Baby, a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual you've ever cringed over. Just consider the following advice: * "As you know if you have ever seen someone give birth in a movie or television show, all newborns emerge with adorable round faces, pudgy limbs, and twinkling eyes. If, by contrast, the nurse hands you a tiny, squawling creature with the face of an old man and skin covered in goo, hand it back immediately. There has clearly been some sort of mixup with a nearby ward for senile midgets." * "It's essential that you keep careful track of your baby's every bodily function. That way, when she is president of the United States and a paranoid-minded conspiracy movement springs up denying her eligibility for the position, you will have documentary proof that she did, in fact, poop on U.S. soil at 8:23AM on February 23." * "When choosing a nursery school, make sure to visit first, and ask the teachers about their educational philosophies. Then ask about their criminal records. If they insist they have none, you may need to keep asking, perhaps while shining a bright light in their face. Also, take their fingerprints, then follow them home from a discreet distance and go through their trash. Oh, and don't forget to thank them for their dedication to helping the young!" * "It is easy to adjust your parenting techniques as your children grow: simply do and say the exact same things, but raise your voice by one decibel for every year of your child's age." How Not To Kill Your Baby is printed on child-safe, 100% piranha-free paper, and bound without the use of exploding staples. You'll get no such promise from What To Expect When You're Expecting. How Not To Kill Your Baby is the book for you... unless you're some kind of baby-hating creep who wants to parent all wrong.
Author: Veronica Peerless Publisher: Penguin ISBN: 1465495436 Category : Gardening Languages : en Pages : 144
Book Description
You had one job: watering your new plant. But it's been a week and it's already dying. Fear not! This helpful guide is here to show you how to rescue your plants. Follow the survival tips outlined in this book and you'll be on your way to having your home brimming with green life. It's absolutely possible not to assassinate your houseplant - all you need is this book! From identifying exactly what's in the pot to helping it flourish and grow, this is your guide to creating an oasis of happy, flourishing houseplants. With over 50 different types of popular houseplants, this book summarizes what type of care your plants do (or don't) need. Find out which types of plants will thrive in your living space. You'll also discover how to keep a cactus alive, where to hang air plants, and how to repot succulents. Understand how much light, water, heat, and humidity your plant needs. Whatever your horticulture woes, this book will explain and fix it. Yellowed leaves, drooping leaves, and dried leaves - learn to spot the danger signs and how to take the proper action to rescue your sick plant. Packed with helpful tips, pictures, and information panels, How Not to Kill Your Houseplant will equip you with the skills necessary to raise a healthy plant. Give Your Plants a Chance! If you're horticulturally challenged and can't keep a house plant alive to save your life, then this book is for you! This practical guide to raising indoor plants equips you with the know-how you need to care for your plants. Inside the pages of this comprehensive gardening book from, you'll discover: - Tips on watering and feeding plants. - Advice on how to choose the perfect house plants for your unique space and needs. - Helpful survival tips and simple ways not to kill your plants. - Everything you need to know about lighting for house plants, from natural to artificial lighting sources. - Learn to spot the danger signs in unhealthy indoor plants and the effective techniques on how to rescue them.
Author: Set Sytes Publisher: Microcosm Publishing ISBN: 1621067025 Category : Self-Help Languages : en Pages :
Book Description
A highly imaginative and relatable guide for anyone who needs the reassurance that suicide is NEVER worth it. Are you inclined to escape the crumminess of everyday life into fantasy worlds? Are you smart and imaginative in a way that isn't really suited to your surroundings? Are you definitely misunderstood, likely angry, and almost certainly depressed? Set Sytes, hailing from the UK, would prefer you stay alive and sort things out rather than the alternative, thanks. He figures there are better opportunities for you out there and lays it all out in a way that's compelling, funny, sharp, and useful. This zine turned book (please don't call it a self-help guide, asks the author) is ultimately about how to be a person in the world. It can be done non-miserably, we promise.
Author: Nealy Brown; Sarah Tierney; Shannon Hunt Publisher: ISBN: 1478709049 Category : Family & Relationships Languages : en Pages : 156
Book Description
"Out of all the relationship books I’ve read, this one's at the top of my list! The first book I would recommend to anyone. It's funny, inspiring, with incredibly powerful ideas." – Dr. Mike Nichols “The principles in this book have literally changed my life, and given me practical tools for every relationship. I am confident it can do the same for you, wherever you are on your journey." – Melissa Drobnak “This book gives hope to the hopeless relationship. Each chapter gets straight to the heart of relationship issues and provides the know how to make change happen.” – Chelsea Wells Filled with moments to make you laugh, stories to inspire you, and insights to find effective solutions, these pages contain tools for every relationship you face. Developed from decades of research and clinical experience, Dr. Nealy Brown has introduced thousands across the globe to these life changing truths. Learn how to navigate difficult situations, quickly end conflicts, and touch cold hearts, even in your most challenging relationships, through simple, practical methods. Discover true stories of people facing impossible bosses, shattered marriages, and distant kids, and the steps that lead to amazing relationships where you never before thought it was possible. Restore your marriage even after your spouse has walked out. Heal that relationship with your teenager who’s slipping away. Revive your work life in the job you dread to face each day. Strengthen your healthy relationships even further.
Author: Joshua Graves Publisher: Wipf and Stock Publishers ISBN: 1630879592 Category : Religion Languages : en Pages : 135
Book Description
The adherents of Islam and Christianity comprise half of the world's population, or 3.5 billion people. Tension between them exists throughout the world and is increasing here in North America. In How Not to Kill a Muslim, Dr. Joshua Graves provides a practical subversive theological framework for a strategic posture of peaceful engagement between Christians and Muslims. Based upon both academic and personal experience (Josh grew up in Metro Detroit), this book will provide progressive Christians with a clear understanding of Jesus' radical message of inclusivity and love. There is no one who is not a neighbor. There is no them. There's only us. Our future depends upon this becoming true in our cities, synagogues, churches, and mosques. In pluralistic societies such as those of Canada and the United States, the true test of Christianity is what it offers those who are not Christian. And it starts with Islam.
Author: Daniel Chirot Publisher: Princeton University Press ISBN: 1400834856 Category : Social Science Languages : en Pages : 287
Book Description
Genocide, mass murder, massacres. The words themselves are chilling, evoking images of the slaughter of countless innocents. What dark impulses lurk in our minds that even today can justify the eradication of thousands and even millions of unarmed human beings caught in the crossfire of political, cultural, or ethnic hostilities? This question lies at the heart of Why Not Kill Them All? Cowritten by historical sociologist Daniel Chirot and psychologist Clark McCauley, the book goes beyond exploring the motives that have provided the psychological underpinnings for genocidal killings. It offers a historical and comparative context that adds up to a causal taxonomy of genocidal events. Rather than suggesting that such horrors are the product of abnormal or criminal minds, the authors emphasize the normality of these horrors: killing by category has occurred on every continent and in every century. But genocide is much less common than the imbalance of power that makes it possible. Throughout history human societies have developed techniques aimed at limiting intergroup violence. Incorporating ethnographic, historical, and current political evidence, this book examines the mechanisms of constraint that human societies have employed to temper partisan passions and reduce carnage. Might an understanding of these mechanisms lead the world of the twenty-first century away from mass murder? Why Not Kill Them All? makes clear that there are no simple solutions, but that progress is most likely to be made through a combination of international pressures, new institutions and laws, and education. If genocide is to become a grisly relic of the past, we must fully comprehend the complex history of violent conflict and the struggle between hatred and tolerance that is waged in the human heart. In a new preface, the authors discuss recent mass violence and reaffirm the importance of education and understanding in the prevention of future genocides.
Author: Dave Grossman Publisher: Open Road Media ISBN: 1497629209 Category : Social Science Languages : en Pages : 312
Book Description
A controversial psychological examination of how soldiers’ willingness to kill has been encouraged and exploited to the detriment of contemporary civilian society. Psychologist and US Army Ranger Dave Grossman writes that the vast majority of soldiers are loath to pull the trigger in battle. Unfortunately, modern armies, using Pavlovian and operant conditioning, have developed sophisticated ways of overcoming this instinctive aversion. The mental cost for members of the military, as witnessed by the increase in post-traumatic stress, is devastating. The sociological cost for the rest of us is even worse: Contemporary civilian society, particularly the media, replicates the army’s conditioning techniques and, Grossman argues, is responsible for the rising rate of murder and violence, especially among the young. Drawing from interviews, personal accounts, and academic studies, On Killing is an important look at the techniques the military uses to overcome the powerful reluctance to kill, of how killing affects the soldier, and of the societal implications of escalating violence.
Author: Julia Navarro Publisher: GRUPO BOOKS DIGITAL ISBN: 8412141806 Category : Fiction Languages : en Pages : 1239
Book Description
«You shall not kill, son, you shall not kill, because no man can be the same after taking another man's life.» Fernando, a young literary editor and the son of a persecuted Spanish Republican, decides to flee a Spain battered by the Civil War. His friends, Catalina and Eulogio, escaping their own circumstances, join him in the adventure. The three young friends live a great story of unwavering friendship and loyalty which takes them on a journey through Second World War Alexandria, occupied Paris, Lisbon, Prague, Boston and Chile. An ode to friendship Fernando, Catalina and Eulogio have grown together in a Madrid neighborhood close to the Encarnación convent. The Spanish Civil War has just ended and the young trio try to recover from the impact it had on their lives and those of their families. Fernando lives with his mother, Isabel, awaiting his father's liberation -incarcerated because of his Republican ideals-, hoping for an absolution that never arrives. Catalina lives on the same street. Her family has come to ruins during the Civil War and in order to confront their debts, her father plans to marry her to a man she despises. Eulogio is the one whose war losses are greatest. His father died in combat and he himself returned from war a cripple after a heroic act which saved Marvin's life, a young American who arrived in Spain in 1936 to study literature, and when war broke, decided to stay and portray the pain of conflict in a celebrated poem anthology. The future's perspectives look grimmer each day for the three friends. They decide to unite their destinies and embark on a new life away from Madrid to save the little that they have left.
Author: Daniel Burton Publisher: ISBN: 9781716825545 Category : Young Adult Nonfiction Languages : en Pages : 36
Book Description
these are some poems they are for really depressed people i am really depressed hopefully they answer the question in the title i never find any answers, society is not like me. they suck.
Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Author: Veronica Peerless
Author: Set Sytes
Author: Nealy Brown; Sarah Tierney; Shannon Hunt
Author: Joshua Graves
Author: Sandra Cabot
Author: Daniel Chirot
Author: Dave Grossman
Author: Julia Navarro
Author: Daniel Burton