Hot Chicks with Douchebags PDF Download

Author: Jay Louis
Publisher: Gallery Books
ISBN: 9781416957881
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0

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Book Description
Greasy foreheads. Spiky frosted hair. Oiled-up faces dripping with Tag Body Shot spray. Armani Exchange T-shirts and rank cologne wafting off their backs like fetid pollen clouds as they pump their fists and attempt to grind into any hotties nearby. Young beauties oblivious to the hulking monstrosity clutching at their butts like snapping turtles on Red Bull. From sea to douchey sea, ours is a culture plagued by this festering blight. By the dark forces of über-douchebaggery. How did this happen? What can we do to confront the douchebag/hottie plague that rots our collective souls like boils sent by a wrathful and angry God? And how can you recover if you or your loved one is 'bag? Now, for the first time, there is an answer to those questions that haunt our collective will and sap our culture of any claim to societal advance: Why hottie/douchebaggery? Why now? And why are douche-faces so silly? In this book we dissect, analyze, contemplate and mock the rank douchescrotes that pollute our country's hottie supply on a daily basis. Every branch of the douche-tree will be examined. Every corner of our cultural rot will be exposed. And if we can lust after their hotties along the way, then all the better.

Author: The Phat Phree
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 0767926404
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 194

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Book Description
Target. Observe. Ridicule. You run into them every day—the striped-shirt guy, the karaoke master, the dude with a pencil-thin beard, the guy who won’t shut up about his fantasy football team—characters who annoy, irritate, and incense us all. Based on the wildly popular essay on ThePhatPhree.com by Mike Polk, this book is a look inside the heads of the most infuriating douchebags on Earth. It’s the best of ThePhatPhree.com plus more than fifty all-new, hilarious pieces written by some of your favorite writers from this site. Everyone’s (Least) Favorite, The Striped-Shirt Guy … I will valet tonight! I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him. I will tell him, “Take it easy on the brakes, champ”! When I do not hook up with a girl at the club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks” and wait in line at another bar, only to strike out again! Your “Cool” High School Teacher … Here are some things I allow in my class that other teachers don’t: eating, drinking, swearing, dancing, smoking, fighting, cell phones, Texas hold ’em, iPods, and sex. Like my Goo Goo Dolls tee? Anyone else here down with the Dolls? No? Me either. I’m just wearing it as a goof. The Guy with Amazing Taste in Music … Personally, I haven’t listened to the radio in fifteen years. If you have ever heard a band on the radio, then I can assure you, I am not a fan. I stopped listening to American music about ten years ago.

Author: Tucker Max
Publisher: Citadel
ISBN: 0806535938
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 537

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Book Description
The “highly entertaining and thoroughly reprehensible” #1 New York Times bestseller—now with sixteen pages of photos and a new introduction (The New York Times). My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole. I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way: I share my adventures with the world. --from the Introduction Actual reader feedback: "I find it truly appalling that there are people in the world like you. You are a disgusting, vile, repulsive, repugnant, foul creature. Because of you, I don’t believe in God anymore. No just God would allow someone like you to exist." "I’ll stay with God as my lord, but you are my savior. I just finished reading your brilliant stories, and I laughed so hard I almost vomited. I want to bring that kind of joy to people. You’re an artist of the highest order and a true humanitarian to boot. I'm in both shock and awe at how much I want to be you."

Author: Harlan Coben
Publisher: Dutton
ISBN: 0451414128
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 482

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Book Description
When she spots her ex-fiancé's photo on an online dating site, NYPD Detective Kat Donovan reaches out to him, hoping to rekindle the past, but her hope turns to suspicion and then terror as an unspeakable conspiracy is revealed.

Author: K.A. Tucker
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1476740526
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 384

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Book Description
Sometimes you can’t change—and sometimes you just don’t want to. Read Ben’s side of the Ten Tiny Breaths story in this romantic coming of age novel by the beloved, top-selling indie author praised for her “likeable characters, steamy liaisons, and surprising plot twists” (Kirkus Reviews). Purple-haired, sharp-tongued Reese MacKay knows all about making the wrong choice; she’s made plenty of them in her twenty-odd-years. So when her impulsive, short-lived marriage ends in heartbreak, she decides it’s time for a change. She moves to Miami with the intention of hitting reset on her irresponsible life, and she does quite well…aside from an epically humiliating one-night stand in Cancun with a hot blond bouncer named Ben. Thank God she can get on a plane and leave that mistake behind her. Football scholarship and frat parties with hot chicks? Part of charmer Ben Morris’s plan. Blown knee that kills any hope of a professional football career? So not part of the plan. Luckily Ben has brains to go with his knockout looks and magnetism. After three long years of balancing law school with his job as a bouncer at Penny’s Palace, he’s ready to lead a more mature life—until his first day of work, when he finds himself in the office of that crazy, hot chick he met in Cancun. The one he hasn’t stopped thinking about. If Ben truly were a smart guy, he’d stay clear of Reese. She’s the boss’s stepdaughter and it’s been made very clear that office romances are grounds for dismissal. Plus, rumor has it she’s trouble. The only problem is, he likes trouble, especially when it’s so good-looking…

Author: Sara Ney
Publisher:
ISBN: 9780999025338
Category : College athletes
Languages : en
Pages : 391

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Book Description
MY FRIENDS WANT ME TO GET LAID. So much so that they plastered my ugly mug all over campus, in bold printed letters: Are you the lucky lady who's going to break our roommate's cherry? Him: socially awkward man with average-sized penis looking for willing sexual partner... The morons can't even spell. And the texts I've been receiving are what wet dreams are made of. But I'm not like these douchebags, no matter how hard they try to turn me into one. THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF ATTENTION I WANT. One text stands out from hundreds. One number I can't bring myself to block. She seems different. Hotter, even in black and white. However, after seeing her in person, I know she's not the girl for me. But my friends won't let up-they just don't get it. Douchebags or not, there's one thing they'll never understand: GIRLS DON'T WANT ME. Especially her.

Author: Kelley Armstrong
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0062077074
Category : Young Adult Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 364

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Book Description
Strange things are happening in Maya's tiny Vancouver Island town. First, her friend Serena, the captain of the swim team, drowns mysteriously in the middle of a calm lake. Then, one year later, mountain lions are spotted rather frequently around Maya's home—and her reactions to them are somewhat . . . unexpected. Her best friend, Daniel, has also been experiencing unexplainable premonitions about certain people and situations. It doesn't help that the new bad boy in town, Rafe, has a dangerous secret, and he's interested in one special part of Maya's anatomy—her paw-print birthmark.

Author: Jenny Lawson
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101573082
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 384

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Book Description
The #1 New York Times bestselling (mostly true) memoir from the hilarious author of Furiously Happy. “Gaspingly funny and wonderfully inappropriate.”—O, The Oprah Magazine When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it. In the irreverent Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson’s long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments—the ones we want to pretend never happened—are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud, this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark, disturbing, yet wonderful moments of our lives. Readers Guide Inside

Author: Kendall Ryan
Publisher: Kendall Ryan
ISBN:
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 203

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Book Description
It all started with a sexy selfie. Texted to the wrong number. Oops. Not my finest moment—but I have nothing to be ashamed of. She thought I was no better, and I quote, than the knuckle-dragging douche-bags she was never dating again. It was a stupid dare from a girl I’d met online, but since she’d given me a fake number, I didn’t feel bad that my interests were suddenly focused elsewhere—on the fiery and sharp-tongued, Peyton that I found myself sparring with over text for the rest of the evening. The following day, my case of mistaken identity came back to bite me in the banana. When I strolled into the office, I was introduced to Peyton as the new client I needed to win over. The Peyton , in case you're not tracking. And let’s just say she had my full attention. Brains? Check. Beauty? Oh yeah. And the best part? She hated me on sight. Dear God, do I love a challenge. Let the games begin.

Author: Kate Belle
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1922052639
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 262

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Book Description
It’s 1978 in an Australian country town and a dreamy teenaged girl’s world is turned upside down by the arrival of the substitute English teacher. Solomon Andrews is beautiful, inspiring and she wants him like nothing else she’s wanted in her short life. Charismatic and unconventional, Solomon easily wins the hearts and minds of his third form English class. He notices the attention of one girl, his new neighbour, who has taken to watching him from her upstairs window. He assumes it is a harmless teenage crush, until the erotic love notes begin to arrive. Solomon knows he must resist, but her sensual words stir him. He has longings of his own, although they have nothing to do with love, or so he believes. One afternoon, as he stands reading her latest offering in his driveway, she turns up unannounced. And what happens next will torment them forever - in ways neither can imagine.