Excuse Me Waiter, but There’S a Flyswatter in My Soup PDF Download
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Author: Fritz Fritzgerald Publisher: Archway Publishing ISBN: 1480836311 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 214
Book Description
Fritz Fritzgerald loves to laugh at life almost as much as he loves to laugh at himself. In his collection of endearingly humorous poems, Fritzgerald balances important topics like spirituality, love, friendship, honesty, and even mortality with equally significant and relatable issues like eating until your stomach explodes, waking up naked in a department store, and peeing in the snow. Fritzgerald, who has learned the hard way not to drink pretty paints, writes for a diverse audience that includes those with a full head of small hairs or only one giant hair; people that silently chew their gum or people that loudly gum their chew; and, most importantly, for anyone who is alive and breathing. In laugh-out-loud poems, Fritzgerald shares leftovers advice, reflects on why one should never take a cherry slushy on a roller coaster, and contemplates how to analyze Martian anatomy somewhere over Kansas when normal goes right out the window. Excuse Me Waiter, but Theres a Flyswatter in My Soup offers a compilation of funny poems that proves, once and for all, that black jellybeans are outcasts.
Author: Fritz Fritzgerald Publisher: Archway Publishing ISBN: 1480836311 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 214
Book Description
Fritz Fritzgerald loves to laugh at life almost as much as he loves to laugh at himself. In his collection of endearingly humorous poems, Fritzgerald balances important topics like spirituality, love, friendship, honesty, and even mortality with equally significant and relatable issues like eating until your stomach explodes, waking up naked in a department store, and peeing in the snow. Fritzgerald, who has learned the hard way not to drink pretty paints, writes for a diverse audience that includes those with a full head of small hairs or only one giant hair; people that silently chew their gum or people that loudly gum their chew; and, most importantly, for anyone who is alive and breathing. In laugh-out-loud poems, Fritzgerald shares leftovers advice, reflects on why one should never take a cherry slushy on a roller coaster, and contemplates how to analyze Martian anatomy somewhere over Kansas when normal goes right out the window. Excuse Me Waiter, but Theres a Flyswatter in My Soup offers a compilation of funny poems that proves, once and for all, that black jellybeans are outcasts.
Author: Jeff Zentner Publisher: Ember ISBN: 0553524046 Category : Young Adult Fiction Languages : en Pages : 321
Book Description
Named to ten BEST OF THE YEAR lists and selected as a William C. Morris Award Winner,The Serpent King is the critically acclaimed, much-beloved story of three teens who find themselves--and each other--while on the cusp of graduating from high school with hopes of leaving their small-town behind. Perfect for fans of John Green's Turtles All the Way Down. "Move over, John Green; Zentner is coming for you." —The New York Public Library “Will fill the infinite space that was left in your chest after you finished The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” —BookRiot.com Dill isn't the most popular kid at his rural Tennessee high school. After his father fell from grace in a public scandal that reverberated throughout their small town, Dill became a target. Fortunately, his two fellow misfits and best friends, Travis and Lydia, have his back. But as they begin their senior year, Dill feels the coils of his future tightening around him. His only escapes are music and his secret feelings for Lydia--neither of which he is brave enough to share. Graduation feels more like an ending to Dill than a beginning. But even before then, he must cope with another ending--one that will rock his life to the core. Debut novelist Jeff Zentner provides an unblinking and at times comic view of the hard realities of growing up in the Bible belt, and an intimate look at the struggles to find one’s true self in the wreckage of the past. “A story about friendship, family and forgiveness, it’s as funny and witty as it is utterly heartbreaking.” —PasteMagazine.com “A brutally honest portrayal of teen life . . . [and] a love letter to the South from a man who really understands it.” —Mashable.com “I adored all three of these characters and the way they talked to and loved one another.”—New York Times
Author: Khaled Hosseini Publisher: ISBN: 9781594483172 Category : Afghanistan Languages : en Pages : 0
Book Description
Traces the unlikely friendship of a wealthy Afghan youth and a servant's son in a tale that spans the final days of Afghanistan's monarchy through the atrocities of the present day.
Author: Josephine C. George Publisher: iUniverse ISBN: 0595618154 Category : Fiction Languages : en Pages : 269
Book Description
The e-mail Danny and Allison read on their new computer in 1996 looks no different from the millions of others received by Web users around the world, with one glaring exception--it was sent by their dads who died during the 1970s. While residing in the afterworld at an amenity-laden paradise called Midway Manor, guitar-strumming Mickey Parks and piano-playing Lloyd Wallace monitor and manipulate the lives of their adult children on earth from the mid-'70s through the 1990s. Tampering with the facility's sophisticated computer, the dads thrust Mickey's daughter Allison and Lloyd's son Danny into a passionate but sometimes stormy relationship-a relationship steeped in Danny's heavy drinking and entangled in the often-zany world of men's adventure magazine publishing. After carefully implementing a plan to send their son and daughter a gift of knowledge that could enrich their lives forever, the dads' brief contact is cut short. They are banished to another destination in the afterworld, but not before they impart indisputable proof of life after death--and unwittingly put Danny's and Allison's earthbound lives on the line.
Author: Ann Batko Publisher: ReadHowYouWant.com ISBN: 1427096031 Category : Career development Languages : en Pages : 338
Book Description
Ever stumble when choosing between "who" and "whom," "affect" and "effect," "lay" and "lie"? Are you worried that how you speak or write is holding you back at work? Do you fear you're making frequent conversational errors, but just aren't sure what's correct? How you use language tells people a good deal about who you are, how you think, and how you communicate. Making simple errors in written and spoken English can make you seem less sophisticated, even less intelligent, than you really are. And that can affect (not effect) your relationships, your friendships, and even your career. This comprehensive, easy-to-use reference is a program designed to help you identify and correct the most common errors in written and spoken English. After a short and simple review of some basic principles, When Bad Grammar Happens to Good People is organized in the most useful way possible--by error type, such as "Problem Pronouns" or "Mixing up Words that Sound the Same." You choose how to work your way through, either sequentially or in the order most relevant to you. Each unit contains tests at the end to help you reinforce what you've learned. Best of all, the information is presented in a clear, lively, and conversational style--this is not your eighth-grade grammar textbook! Ann Batko is a business communications expert and former executive editor of Rand McNally & Company. She has trained numerous advertising, marketing, and publishing executives how to be effective writers and presenters. Edward Rosenheim is the David B. and Clara E. Stern Professor Emeritus, in the Department of English Language and Literature at the University of Chicago, where he taught for 42 years. For 20 years, he was the editor of the prestigious journal Modern Philology.
Author: Judith Martin Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company ISBN: 0393342166 Category : Reference Languages : en Pages : 324
Book Description
"Wonderfully wicked....A bracingly sensible guide to living peaceably together."—Francine Prose, Elle In this "wryly perceptive, historically informed" (BookPage) new book, America's leading expert on civility reminds her Gentle Readers that when the Founding Fathers created a revolution in the name of individual liberty and equality, they also took a stand against hierarchical European etiquette in favor of simplicity over ceremony, and personal dignity over obsequiousness to our rulers. Hailed by George Will as "The National Bureau of Standards," Judith Martin, who has "made etiquette writing an exercise in wit" (Book), recounts here how Americans fashioned this etiquette of egalitarian respect—a fascinating story that spans from the misunderstood origins of our table manners to the much overlooked legacy of African slaves to etiquette.
Author: Vince Kotchian Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub ISBN: 9781477650554 Category : Study Aids Languages : en Pages : 292
Book Description
2015 version published on 12/29/14. Need a good way to remember that the word "prodigal" means "wasteful"? Just think ofprada gal - a girl who spends all of her money on designer clothes. Brian McElroy (Harvard, '02) and Vince Kotchian (Boston College, '97), two of San Diego's most sought after test-prep tutors, provide a series of clever, unconventional, and funny memory devices aimed toward helping you to improve your vocabulary and remember words long-term so that you don't ever forget their meanings. Brian and Vince, combined, have been tutoring the test for over 20 years. They have analyzed all available official GRE tests to select the words that appear in this book. The vocabulary words in this book are best suited for students at a 9th-grade level or above. The words in this edition are specifically targeted toward the GRE exam, but they are also helpful for students who are preparing for other standardized tests such as the SAT, ACT, ISEE, SSAT, GMAT, LSAT or MCAT, or anyone at any age who simply wants to improve his/her knowledge of English vocabulary. Disclaimer: a few of our mnemonics might not be appropriate for kids – some contain adult language or situations. Over 950 of the words in this book appear in our other mnemonics book,SAT Vocab Capacity. So if you're easily offended, the SAT version might be a better choice. Why This Book Is Different If you're studying for the GRE, SAT, or for any other standardized test that measures your vocabulary, you may be feeling a little bit anxious – especially if you've taken a practice test and encountered words you didn't know (or maybe never even saw before)! Whether you have seven days or seven months to prepare for the test, you're going to want to boost your vocabulary. But it's not that simple – you've got to remember the words you learn. And on many GRE text completion and sentence equivalence questions, getting the right answer comes down to knowing the precise definition of the words. You could make vocabulary flashcards. You could look up words you don't know. You could read a book with lots of big words. But unless you give your brain a way to hold on to the words you learn, it will probably have a harder time remembering them when they appear on the test. That's the problem with most vocabulary books: the definitions and sentences in the books aren't especially memorable. That's where this book is different. We've not only clearly defined the words but we've also created sentences designed to help you remember the words through a variety of associations - using mnemonics. Mnemonic Examples A mnemonic is just a memory device. It works by creating a link in your brain to something else, so that recall of one thing helps recall of the other. This can be done in many ways – but the strongest links are through senses, emotions, rhymes, and patterns. Consider this example: Quash (verb): to completely stop from happening. Think: squash. The best way to quash an invasion of ants in your kitchen is simple: squash them. Now your brain has a link from the word quash (which it may not have known) to the word squash (which it probably knows). Both words sound and look the same, so it's easy to create a visual and aural link. If you picture someone squashing ants (and maybe get grossed out), you also have another visual link and an emotional link. Here's another example: Eschew (verb): to avoid. Think: ah-choo! Eschew people who say "ah-choo!" unless you want to catch their colds. The word eschew sounds similar to a sneeze (ah-choo!), so your brain will now link the two sounds. If you picture yourself avoiding someone who is about to sneeze in your face, even better! Again, the more connections you make in your brain to the new word, th
Author: Steve Antinoff Publisher: Catapult ISBN: 1619028824 Category : Religion Languages : en Pages : 189
Book Description
Four decades ago—aged twenty—the author experienced what he calls a "negative satori," a fundamental and irrefutable realization not of enlightenment, but of himself as a predicament only enlightenment could resolve. This, shaped by the hammer blows of a singular American professor, Richard DeMartino, brought him to Zen, and to Japan. Yet over time, of far greater import than his bungling efforts were the wonderful occupants of the Zen world he encountered: Toyoshima–san, the meditation Prometheus whose superhuman efforts astounded and inspired all while he remained impaled on the cliff's edge; the Thief, chief monastery monk who stole the world from whoever he encountered and whose yawns and the brushing of his teeth shot sparks of Absolute Meaning; Hisamatsu, the great lay Zen Master who at age 16 overheard a doctor tell his mother he'd be dead in six months, only to awaken ten years later and become the most delighted man in Japan; Bunko, the monk kind to others but ferocious with himself, whose daily state of Oneness in meditation left him dissatisfied because despite all exertion he could not crush it to pieces and break beyond it. These are among the sitters for the portraits in Reports From the Zen Wars, Steve Antinoff's attempt to bear witness to what for him has been The Greatest Show on Earth, price of admission one lotus position.
Author: Bobby Henderson Publisher: Villard ISBN: 0307485560 Category : Humor Languages : en Pages : 194
Book Description
Can I get a “ramen” from the congregation?! Behold the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), today’s fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion. According to church founder Bobby Henderson, the universe and all life within it were created by a mystical and divine being: the Flying Spaghetti Monster. What drives the FSM’ s devout followers, a.k.a. Pastafarians? Some say it’s the assuring touch from the FSM’s “noodly appendage.” Then there are those who love the worship service, which is conducted in pirate talk and attended by congregants in dashing buccaneer garb. Still others are drawn to the Church’s flimsy moral standards, religious holidays every Friday, or the fact that Pastafarian heaven is way cooler: Does your heaven have a Stripper Factory and a Beer Volcano? Intelligent Design has finally met its match—and it has nothing to do with apes or the Olive Garden of Eden. Within these pages, Bobby Henderson outlines the true facts– dispelling such malicious myths as evolution (“only a theory”), science (“only a lot of theories”), and whether we’re really descended from apes (fact: Humans share 95 percent of their DNA with chimpanzees, but they share 99.9 percent with pirates!) See what impressively credentialed top scientists have to say: “If Intelligent Design is taught in schools, equal time should be given to the FSM theory and the non-FSM theory.” –Professor Douglas Shaw, Ph.D. “Do not be hypocritical. Allow equal time for other alternative ‘theories’ like FSMism, which is by far the tastier choice.” –J. Simon, Ph.D. “In my scientific opinion, when comparing the two theories, FSM theory seems to be more valid than classic ID theory.” –Afshin Beheshti, Ph.D. Read the book and decide for yourself!
Author: Fritz Fritzgerald
Author: Fritz Fritzgerald
Author: Jeff Zentner
Author: Khaled Hosseini
Author: Josephine C. George
Author: Sinclair Lewis
Author: Ann Batko
Author: Judith Martin
Author: Vince Kotchian
Author: Steve Antinoff
Author: Bobby Henderson